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Writer's pictureJen Blaxall.

Breaking the generational patterning.

A repeated pattern I see within my work is people trying to get approval from parents, and some have been seeking it all their lives.

Being a blood relative doesn't guarantee their support, physical presence, or that you must conform to their ways. Accepting this realisation can be the most challenging aspect. It may resemble a grieving process when you release the longing for parental support, especially if you have held onto this longing into adulthood. If a parent doesn't act as you anticipate, you may accelerate the problem by feeling anger or resentment. This can lead to self-destructive behaviour and a failure to acknowledge the care, love, and empathy offered by others.

Take the time to find a place where you can come to terms with the fact that your parent may not be the support you require. It's okay to let your emotions out and cry if needed. Releasing your tears can help pave the way for fresh perspectives and insights. Reflect on those individuals who truly provide you with support, whether it's another family member, a friend, or a partner. Acknowledge their support, express your gratitude, and share a hug with them.

The important thing is not to be angry with your parent, but to start understanding that they have lived a life too, most likely facing their own traumas and fears. Are they emotionally 'locked up' because of how they were treated? Are they carrying fear around a situation or memory, or can you now start to see a generational pattern occurring?

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