When safety becomes your cage

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗺 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹?

We hear so much about nervous system regulation, co-regulation and getting out of survival mode.

And yes - living in constant fight, flight, fawn or freeze can take a huge toll on us.

But there’s another side to this conversation that we don’t talk about enough…

𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙨𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙖𝙛𝙚𝙩𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜.

You stop trying new things.

You stop taking risks.

You become uninspired.

You stay firmly inside your comfort zone because you’re terrified that stepping outside it will send you straight back into old habits and behaviours.

And this can happen after doing 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵 of work on yourself.

Maybe you used to regulate overwhelm through smoking, vaping, compulsive behaviours, people-pleasing, being the "fixer", or always being the life and soul of the party.

You recognise the pattern.

You do the work.

You learn to regulate.

And slowly, those behaviours begin to fall away. But then…

𝘾𝙖𝙡𝙢 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙨𝙖𝙛𝙚𝙩𝙮 𝙗𝙤𝙭, and you become afraid to leave it. But regulation isn't about never feeling activated.

𝙒𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙁𝙇𝙊𝙒.

We need to be able to move between calm and activation without believing that every uncomfortable feeling means we're unsafe, and this is where gently stepping outside your comfort zone can be so powerful.

💃 Go dancing.

🎨 Join an art class.

🎶 Join a choir.

🏺 Try pottery.

🎸 Learn an instrument.

✨ Do something creative.

🤍 Do something FUN.

Something that makes your heart beat a little faster. Something unfamiliar. Something that stretches you - but within a safe environment.

Because when you gently dip your toe into that feeling of "𝘖𝘰𝘩, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘸!" and discover that you can handle it,

𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙗𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚.

And resilience gives you capacity.

Capacity to try more.

To experience more.

To create more.

To cope with life's inevitable stresses without being completely knocked off balance.

We don't build resilience by avoiding every uncomfortable experience. We build it by discovering:

"𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙛𝙚."

That's where flow begins.

Not in permanent survival.

And not in permanent calm.

But in the ability to move between the two.

So maybe this week, ask yourself:

Where have I created a safety box that I'm now afraid to step outside of?

And what small, fun, safe step could I take towards something new?

You don't have to leap. Just dip your toe in.

Create some resilience.

Find some play.

Discover something that inspires you.

And invite 𝙁𝙡𝙤𝙬 back into your life. 🤍