The Myth of Unconditional love - Myth-busting week Day 3

We often hear that “true love is unconditional.”

But is it?

I believe there is an important difference between loving someone unconditionally and accepting everything they do unconditionally.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒕𝒉𝒚 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔.

I love my husband because, within our relationship, we make each other feel safe, seen and heard. We listen to each other. We compromise. We respect one another. We make space for each other’s needs, feelings and individuality.

That doesn’t mean we never make mistakes. Of course we do. We are human.

𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚.

If one person lies, cheats, repeatedly disrespects the other, or behaves in ways that cause significant emotional harm, saying “That’s okay, I love them unconditionally” can come at a cost - because what happens to the person who is being hurt?

Their pain can become resentment. Resentment can become bitterness. Trust can erode. And eventually, they may begin to lose themselves trying to preserve a relationship that no longer feels safe or reciprocal.

There is nothing inherently loving about tolerating behaviour that violates your boundaries.In fact, sometimes saying

“𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒑𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒚”

is the healthier and more honest expression of love.

We all make mistakes. The difference is what we do with them.

Can we be vulnerable enough to listen?

Strong enough to take accountability?

Honest enough to acknowledge the hurt we have caused?

And willing enough to change?

Healthy relationships aren't built on unconditional acceptance of every behaviour.They are built on love, respect, honesty, trust, communication, accountability and mutual effort.

You can love someone deeply and still have boundaries.

You can forgive someone and still decide that their behaviour is not acceptable to you.

And you can walk away from a relationship while still loving the person you are leaving.

𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒃𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇

#IlluminatingTheHumanPotential