The Myth of "they just aren't listening!"- Myth-busting week Day 2

Have you ever considered that perhaps they can’t hear you in the way you think they can?

When the body is in a state of survival, our nervous system is focused on one thing: keeping us safe.

Our hearing is not simply a passive process. The muscles and systems within the middle ear and brain can influence what we pay attention to. When we perceive danger, our attention may become tuned towards sounds that feel important or potentially threatening, while other information can become much harder to process.

In another era, those sounds may have been the growl of a wolf or the movement of something unseen in the undergrowth.

Today, danger may not be a predator at all.

It could be the constant hum of an air-conditioning unit. The buzz of a strip light. Traffic outside. The wind in the trees. Rain against the window.

When the nervous system is on high alert, the brain is constantly scanning the environment. And sometimes, even when the answer seems completely obvious to you, the person in front of you simply cannot take in what you are saying.

It isn't that they are ignoring you.

It isn't that they don't care.

Their body may simply be too busy trying to keep them safe.

So, what can you do?

Perhaps the greatest support is not to keep pushing for them to understand, but to help create a space where they can regulate and feel safe. That might be a gentle walk in nature. Spending quiet time with animals. Doing something creative. Taking a warm bath.

Sitting somewhere peaceful. Whatever it is, make it gentle. Slow. Quiet.

As the supporter, perhaps you can take responsibility for the time and the destination, allowing them to rest into a space where they don't have to make decisions, solve problems or defend themselves. And yes, you may have to repeat yourself, but each time, try to say it as though it is the first time you have said it, because eventually, when their body begins to feel safe and their nervous system has the opportunity to settle, something may shift.

And suddenly, they hear you. Not just the words you have been saying over and over again, but the meaning behind them, and they may wonder why they hadn't seen it before.

Sometimes, people aren't refusing to listen. Their nervous system simply needs to feel safe enough to hear.

Nature Therapy