The Myth of Love at First Sight - Myth-busting Week Day 5

We often talk about love at first sight as though we instantly recognise our person.

But what if what we recognise isn’t always love?

Sometimes, it’s familiarity.

Our nervous system is constantly learning what relationships feel like. It doesn't automatically know the difference between familiar and safe - it simply recognises patterns.

If you grew up in a chaotic household, where love was unpredictable, emotions were heightened, people were distant one moment and intense the next, that kind of relationship can become familiar to your nervous when you meet someone who is emotionally unavailable, unpredictable, intense or creates a sense of uncertainty, you might experience a powerful pull towards them.

You might think:

"I've never felt like this before."

When actually, your body might be saying:

"I've felt this before."

And because familiarity can feel strangely comforting, we can mistake the activation of our nervous system for chemistry, destiny or love at first sight. That doesn't mean every intense attraction is unhealthy. And it certainly doesn't mean people from chaotic families are destined to repeat those patterns. It simply means it's worth becoming curious about what your body is recognising.

The butterflies can be real. The attraction can be real. The chemistry can be real.

But intensity isn't necessarily intimacy.

Healthy love can sometimes feel surprisingly unfamiliar. It might feel quieter. Steadier. Less dramatic. There may be no emotional rollercoaster to keep you guessing. No need to chase, prove yourself or earn someone's attention.

Instead, there is room to breathe. So perhaps instead of only asking:

"Do I love this person?"

we could also ask:

"What is it about this person that feels so familiar?"

Because sometimes the person who feels like home isn't necessarily where we are safest.

Sometimes they're simply reminding us of somewhere we've already been. And healing can begin when we learn that -

Familiar doesn't have to mean safe and safe doesn't have to feel boring. 

Nature Therapy

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